


Fashion Disaster

by Esperata



Series: A Picture Tells... [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bones wears pretty dresses, Crack, Crossdressing, Fashion Show, M/M, McCoy In Drag, Spock in Drag, Spock wears pretty dresses, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-30 01:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10866519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: An argument between Spock and Bones gets out of hand. There's only one way to settle it...Another crazy 1000 word fic because I just couldn't resist this idea.





	Fashion Disaster

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Zachary Quinto Bristles Up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10820364) by [StellarLibraryLady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady). 



“Which ever one of them thought this was a good idea, Captain?” Scotty asked in bemusement as he studied his score card.

“I’ve no idea,” Jim answered happily. “But neither will back down so just enjoy the show.”

As if on cue Uhura stepped forward to start proceedings.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s fashion show. Please mark your score cards for each appearance so we may declare a winner at the end.”

She gestured to the curtain at the back where the First Officer had just stepped through. He was looking haughty as ever but the effect was altered by his attire.

“First, we have Spock show casing this classic Vulcan design in silver…”

The Vulcan stepped forward as if he wore long skin-tight dresses all the time. His placid gaze seemed unintentionally sultry as he surveyed his audience and several men flushed.

Certainly more than one gaze was fixated on his backside when he left the catwalk.

“Next,” Uhura announced, “wearing a traditional cha cha dress…”

“Oh my.” Jim’s eyes widened as his Chief Medical Officer appeared.

“Saints be praised,” Scotty murmured. “He shaved his legs!”

Unlike Spock who’d remained aloof, McCoy was throwing himself into the role. He twirled, so the vibrant pink tassels flared and drew the eye, and threw out deliberately flirty grins. He even offered a little wave before he too disappeared.

“Continuing the dance theme,” Uhura’s commentary continued smoothly thanks to her years of dedicated training. Her audience however were having a harder time.

“Shall I fetch us more drinks Captain?” Scotty offered as he stared at Spock, this time in a traditional belly dancer’s outfit.

“Bring the bottle,” Jim replied, wondering how the hell he’d look Spock in the eye again. And worried what Bones would do to up the ante.

Spock passed McCoy as he exited this time and there was a definite challenging look between them. McCoy however had gone to the other extreme.

“Dressed in a proper Southern Belle gown…” Uhura’s voice continued to detail what they were seeing as McCoy stepped daintily forward.

He half hid behind a parasol but occasionally flashed a glimpse of a bare shoulder above a lilac gown with layers of wide skirts.

He was coyly rocking on his heels at the end of the catwalk when the red alert sounded.

“Captain to the bridge!” Sulu’s voice sounded alarmed. “Senior officers to posts! We have Romulan intruders!”

“On our way!” Kirk yelled, trusting someone to report that back to Sulu. He rose and rushed for the door but was surprisingly beaten to it by Bones who’d simply jumped from the catwalk, picked up his skirts and run.

Kirk watched a second to see his CMO’s now bare stocking feet pounding down the corridor towards sickbay before turning for the bridge. He was caught up at the turbolift by his First Officer.

Kirk had to double take.

Spock was still wearing the black chiffon pants rather than regulation trousers although he had pulled on his science shirt.

They’d no sooner stepped onto the bridge than Sulu was reporting, “The boarding party’s heading for sickbay Sir. Security’s on route but-”

Whatever the ‘but’ was they didn’t hear as they both immediately returned to the turbolift. It seemed to take an age to reach deck 5 and as soon as the doors opened both men set off at a run.

They almost ran straight into the Romulans and quickly darted back into the connecting corridor but not before seeing that Doctor McCoy was apparently a hostage.

At least, he was hoisted over one of their shoulders and sounded as if he was not very happy about it.

“I believe I may distract them,” Spock announced and, before Kirk could enquire ‘how’, his First Officer stripped off his shirt and stepped out into the corridor.

It was clear that of anything the intruders may have expected, it was not a Vulcan dressed in a bikini top and culottes. They stared as he raised his arms and performed a slight hip gyration.

Kirk almost forgot what he was supposed to be doing but thankfully remembered in time, stepping out beside him and deftly stunning the two Romulans.

McCoy fell in a tangled heap with his captor and growled out a vicious curse. Spock moved immediately to assist but the doctor waved him away.

“I can manage my damn-” He gasped and collapsed again as his ankle gave way.

“I will assist,” Spock insisted, scooping the groaning man up into his arms, a little awkwardly due to the sheer number of skirts.

“It’s just twisted,” McCoy insisted but he made no other protest as Spock carried him along to sickbay.

They arrived to find security had taken care of the rest. Chapel reported they’d been after certain intoxicating pharmaceuticals but she clearly was having a hard time concentrating with Spock currently half naked three feet away.

McCoy was laid on a bed struggling with his skirts.

“They goddamn ruined them!” he grumbled, glaring at the tears in the lace.

“A pity,” Spock offered. “The dress was most becoming.”

McCoy stopped complaining to look at Spock.

“You think so?”

“I am Vulcan, Doctor. I do not lie.”

A self-conscious blush spread across the doctor’s cheeks and he fell strangely silent.

 

The next night, the fashion show was scheduled to recommence. After all, the prettiest senior science officer had yet to be decided.

Kirk and Scotty had prepared in advance with a full bottle of scotch on their table. However proceedings seemed to be delayed and, since he didn’t feel he could start on the alcohol before the show started, Jim went to find out why.

As he stepped backstage the first thing he realised was that they were dressed – in the cha cha outfit and the silver gown ready for the first appearance. The second thing was that they weren’t likely to remain dressed much longer.

Not if the moans and roving hands were any indication.

All-in-all a successful fashion show.


End file.
